Satisfaction -life advice

As we strive towards that "pursuit of happiness", I look around me and can't help but notice that the most unhappy people are actually very often the ones that have the most toys...

What I mean is this: one can have all the money, art, fancy houses, private jets, prestige, millions of fans or followers, etc. But money, influence, and owning things doesn't create happiness or satisfaction with ones self or with life. None of these things can replace the deep satisfaction one gets after a hard day or week of physical labor and then sitting back to look over ones own work and progress.   -"I sanded and varnished that table myself".  "Look at the garden I planted, or shrubs I pruned".  "I just love the blue swirls in that mural I painted yesterday".  "Can you believe I rebuilt this engine from nothing".  "I took the time and baked this cake from scratch because we are worth it".

For years the Japanese have known that the beauty of the garden, the peace it brings, is at least partly in the meditative, slow, ongoing practice of its care and cultivation. The Art of Fulfillment lies in the Doing. It is about the process and continued practice of creating and nurturing the garden, the home, the relationships, the career that one desires and envisions more than in "having" it, owning it, or simply inheriting it. We value most that which has taken time, energy and consistent attention. Doing creates fulfillment. Having creates emptiness. 

When we are young we know this secret in our bones. But age, and life, and other peoples influence in popular culture and the media, make us lose or way over time. Look at us now. Megalomania is considered normal, even healthy and attractive. Accumulation of things, status and influence over others falsely promises to lead us to enlightenment, fulfillment, happiness. Capitalism is so far over the top and out of control that the United States actually elected Donald Trump to be their leader. As if this deeply broken, unhappy person could ever create something himself, or be someone to look to as an example for anything but wealth.

We MUST UNPLUG!
Unplug our minds and wallets from being mindless followers of consumerism! I am not saying we all need to throw away our TV sets and live in a hut wearing loin cloths. I am saying mute the commercials. Stop believing the underlying messages they are trying to sell you. (You are not enough. Buy this truck and you will be happy, or at least envied. If you don't use these products or keep your living room this way you are not a good parent, person, American...) Decide how you can improve what you already own. Explore when it lost its value to you if it ever really had it... and why.

I am approaching a landmark birthday, and a health situation that will require surgery. Both of these things make me consider my own mortality and what I have to leave of myself, for the world, for my children. I want to have stood for something. My legacy, my life message is one that I just don't have a simple slogan or set of catchy words for. One that some how expresses that WE are enough when we become quiet and pay attention to the world around us. Happiness and fulfillment come when WE add the value through our own time, effort and attention. What we focus on, and spend our time, energy and efforts recognizing grows stronger be it beauty or terror. We always have a choice. Use it or lose it.

So I would say this: You cannot buy love, happiness or fulfillment. You can try and take it from someone else, but you will still not have it. No one can ever give it to you. But you can find it by working for it: being kind to yourself and others more often than not. Honoring life where ever you find it, and caring for and protecting those who are smaller, weaker, or less able than you are.

 It IS your responsibility to add care, and love and beauty to the world instead of just demanding it. Love shared, grows and blossoms. Happiness shared does the same. It cannot be bought, but it also cannot be given away no matter how hard you try. The more you give Love and Happiness, the more you share it, the more you will have. The more it will boomerang back at you again and again when you least expect it.

And that is how we save the world and ourselves. That is how we create a life and a world of love and generosity and beauty. That is where true prestige should lie. Every day, in the small decisions we make to DO something kind instead of walling ourselves up in our imaginary kingdoms of hurt and desire, soothing our temper tantrum disappointments with consolation prizes like a spoiled child.

We seem to have forgotten that we don't get everything we want in life. Being an adult is to recognize that not all opportunities are open to us. But that we can choose how and when to act on the opportunities we do have. We can choose to be grateful for the opportunities and the things we have to work with, and we can follow the roads that are open to us -even if they are not the ones our egos would have chosen-  (rock star, professional athlete, famous author, rich lawyer)

We can always create kindness -which takes so much more skill, and finesse then continuing to pass on the fear and loathing. We have forgotten that we have the power, that being kind creates so much more return on our investment of time and energy than perpetuating the "everyone for themselves" attitude that only grows the gap between the reality of happiness and the illusion of it.

But don't fall into the trap of "moral dessert". Just because you were not an asshole that one time in traffic doesn't mean the universe now owes you something. It is not a cosmic, return on demand bank account. Be kind for the sake of it. Consider it a practice, a process you are cultivating. A hobby you return to time and again.  And then, with out trying to dictate or control the flow of the universe, your life and satisfaction will slowly grow into something better than you could have contrived or forced into being. When you least expect it happiness will sit upon your shoulder like a butterfly, as you brush the dirt from your hands and examine what it is you built today.

Intention and the New Year

I've never been a New Year's Resolution kind of person, but I do like to take stock. I consider things like my general gratitudes and ways of being in the world, and consider the outcomes.
Every year I like to set an Intention for the year, a focus. And I make some decisions in support of that priority. Last year I focused on finances and taking care of some building projects. The year before was about solidifying my primary relationships to increase honest communications about expectations.
This year, I chose to get back to the Soul Fire of my being. That which nourishes my inner self and motivations. I quit my teaching job, and rearranged the expected use of dedicated rooms in my very small house. I started making ART again. Going to museums, workshops, galleries, setting up a better work space and consulting a creativity coach. I also made some changes to my massage practice and added some locations for my client base.